Saturday, 14 February 2015

Valentine's day, internet-bullying and racism

I have to confess I am not much of a fan of Valentines day. For me personally, the only romance I need and wish for is the everyday romance. In the form of flowers when not expected. You know the "just because I love you" -bouquets! Spontaneous gifts. The whispered love words and compliments, the glances, the smile and the happy eyes that greet me when we meet. The loving compliments about my looks and about my clothing. Kind gestures. Laughter. Kind words. Encouragement. The wishing well.
Obviously I wish to be remembered when there is an occasion. But to only receive flowers and a hint of romance on Valentines day, then I would be dissapointed!
I also give flowers and gifts, I do not think it is only for the male to be the giver. L has been very happy everytime he has received flowers. So girls, give your spouses flowers!

I also try to think about how much fun am I as a girlfriend or spouse. Am I considerate? Am I loving? Generous? Am I making life easy for the one I love. Do I show and tell how much I appreciate my partner? Do I live accordinly to what I wish for? Do I compliment my partner on his looks and his clothing.

I am thankful that we spend time with each other. We turn our technical equipment off when together. I love it that L suggests things to do, the other day he suggested we see an exhibition together and made dinner together and then decided to just stay home, we lay in bed talking and laughing and loving each other. I also appreciate that we both have our own hobbies and interests. But we also have a few weekly hobbies in common. We play badminton. It is so much fun and something we both prioritize.

When L was going through his divorce, which turned ugly as his ex-wife decided to make it public on her blog and on facebook. She even wrote, it would have been easier had he died. Had she been a man, it would have been considered violence. Now she painted herself as a victim.
What happened was, instead of having a community turn against us, we received so much unexpected support and so much love from people we didn't even know! Everywhere we went, seriously, people came up to us and said encouraging words. And when she decided to publish my name and link to my blog, I received over a hundred comments from people I had never met, that asked me to try see beyond her violence but stay true to my rights. I received so much supposrt from blogfriends and my IRL friends. Thank you so much! She eventually did remove the link and my name. She still claims she had a right to do so, you know, freedom of speech blah-blah-blah. How about ethics and moral? It is extremely selfish. Even if she has removed the actual post, it is still out there. Nothing you can ever delete..and it has a name: internet-bullying.
It all started with a picture of flowers I had posted on my blog. She thought they were a bouquet from L. And she stated her right: due to the fact that I post about my happiness and my love, she has a right to post about lost love and her unhappiness. And hence a right to publish my name and link to my blog. The flowers. They were from my mother.

She has luckily stopped following my blog and she no longer writes comments and messages to me, probably due to the fact she herself has found love and does not have the time nor the interest anymore. She has finally managed to move on in her life and I wish her and her boyfriend much happiness. See what a little love can do! Hallelujah!

Freedom of speech. I am a defender of it. But in the name of it, people say and write the most awful things. Take the N-word. It is out there. It exists. But why do people feel the right to use it. The N-word is racist. It is a fact. By using it, you are racist. And in my opinion extremely stupid. It is not YOUR right to choose and decide WHAT IS and WHAT IS NOT racist. And why is that? Because you are not the one with the measure-ecquipment!You are not the one who has had to live with racist attitudes.
Usually white people who incist on using the N-word, feel they need to defend the usage of the word, and also adding, but I'm not racist if I do use it, because, (and this is in my opinion the most ridiculus part!)  I would never use it in front of a coloured person. Then why use it at all? Because I can! I have a right to use any word I want. Yes of course, but where lies your morals? We all have a right to say and do things, but because of MORALS and ETHICS we do not. Because as humans, we can use our brain to think logically, to be critical, to make conclusions, we can decide, we can choose not to offend, not to provoke. That we can see further, that by giving up on racist attitudes and language, we ourselves, contribute to a better world. We can also change. The way we looked at the world hundred years ago, is not the way we today look at the world and humans. A lot has changed. The same way as we don't go around saying everything we think out loud. Because we have been taught good manners. And language can and should change. Attitudes can and should change. It is called growing. Becoming aware. Awarness is key.
And how offensive isn't that sort of behaviour, double standard. RACIST. As if by accepting the fact our culture is racist, and by holding on to these power-structures with nails and teeth, with aggressive and dogmatic reasons, we give in  and our lives would be less free? With white priviledges comes responsability. To admit racism exist. In our culture and in our language. To use responsability to try change, to try educate. To try make poeple open their eyes to priviledge. And to accept that in order to make change, I may have to give up on some of my priviledges. This part is not easy. And I am by no means a good example, because I cannot confess to having given up on my priviledges so far. But I confess to try accept I live in a racist culture. It makes me sick at times. I feel ashamed. I also make mistakes, for ex. I often try to not see colour, where there is colour.
If you want to learn more about racism and about power, please watch wonderful Aamer Rahman.

In Finland Valentines day is friend day. I like that. I have been blessed with very very dear friends. Thank you all. I love you and I am grateful for our friendship. Tack! Kiitos! Thank you! Merci!

I received Valentine's Day flowers from my darling. They were much appreciated!

Above is another nude vintage postcard from early 1900. I belive it is a 20's card. French. You know I have a vast collection of french cards. Most of them still tucked away in boxes...


Camilla said...

Spot on! I agree about everything you have written!
So happy the divorce is over and done with. It is scary that there are people who seem to find their spouses their posession. It is very violent behaviour! Usually there is a lot of jealousy in such relationships and it often has its roots in bad selfasteem.
I am so happy for you!!!!!

Camilla said...

Spot on! I agree about everything you have written!
So happy the divorce is over and done with. It is scary that there are people who seem to find their spouses their posession. It is very violent behaviour! Usually there is a lot of jealousy in such relationships and it often has its roots in bad selfasteem.
I am so happy for you!!!!!